HOMELESS

Imagine.

You are far away from home, miles and miles keep you apart. Sometimes you get very homesick. You miss your mum’s scent in the air, you miss the places that used to be your safe spots hidden from the rest of the world, you miss the people you were surrounded by, you miss the stereotype of your old life.

And yet you very vividly remember that you felt trapped in that life. All you ever wanted was to move away, far away into a distant land, with university that looks like Hogwarts, with new friends, new opportunities, new life.

And now you’re here. And you feel like you can never be satisfied. Because once you set your feet someplace, you already want to escape. You already miss the place before this one. Or you can’t wait to see the next one. Always in a rush. Always lost in your own imagination, dreaming up scenarios of a happy life in the distant future.

And I think I know why this keeps happening to you.

You are homeless.

You never felt like you truly belonged to the place you grew up in. You were looking forward to coming here and making this your home.

But it’s difficult, isn’t it? Back there, you had scarcely any options. And here, there are thousands of them. There, you felt like the amount of interesting people around you was not enough. You wanted to explore. See more. Meet more people. And now, here you are, hundreds of exciting personalities, every day someone new, so many parties happening all over the place, so many events to go to, societies to join.

And somehow, the immense number of options makes it feel completely the same as if you didn’t have any.  You are lost in the crowd. And you feel like you are the only one standing there. Alone.

The place you grew up in is not your home anymore. It used to be. It was a home you hated, a home you sometimes loved, a home you knew would once stop being that for you. But this is not a home either. Not yet. You love the city, you love your uni, you have some friends here. But it hasn’t been long enough. The bonds are not that strong yet. Only time can fix that. Time and people.

You miss waiting for someone to come home. You miss having someone there when you come. You miss making someone a cup of coffee, watching a film together. And that is a big reason why you miss your mum so much.

But in time, someone else will represent your new home. Here. Now. And then, maybe you won’t feel the need to run away anymore. Maybe you will finally calm down. You will be satisfied with what you have, in this place, at this time, with these people.

And then, maybe… maybe you will want to stay. Stay home.

Denisa x

One Comment Add yours

  1. Marek Volf says:

    Tant de choses à voir, tant de choses à faire.

    Like

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