The summer is inevitably coming to an end.
It’s the start of my last year at high school.
The start of the most important school year of my life so far.
This is it. The moment I have been waiting for. Five years of dreaming and wishing for this opportunity to come.
The opportunity to apply to five universities in Scotland (thank you, UCAS), the opportunity to get accepted, to move there and actually live there.
I still now sometimes recall the blurry memory of the hot summer afternoon, 5 years ago. My friend Veronika and I were sitting on a small mole, peering into the water, the sky, the nothingness where our dream suddenly created itself and blasted with colours.
We could see the shape, we could almost touch it… but not yet. Back then, she had three more years to go before she could try to apply. I had five. Many things have changed since then. We have changed. But this dream has not.
And now she’s there. She actually made it. She’s going to her second year now, studying German&Italian and taking up Japanese. She made the first part of our dream come true.
Now it’s my turn.
Sometimes I just want to bury myself deep enough so I could escape all the pressure.
‘You can screw this up, you can screw this up, this is the most important thing in your life and you can screw this up,”
the voice is saying.
‘They might not like your personal statement or they might give you a conditional offer but you still might screw the CAE tests up and you might pass them alright but you still might screw the final exams up and then everything’s over.’
There are three things that can go wrong. Three things that I have to focus on. Three things that can make my dreams come true or make my life miserable as it has never been before.
A personal statement. CAE tests. Maturita exams. A personal statement. CAE tests. Maturita exams.
I repeat these three things all over and over again until it becomes one indistinguishable wheel of letters in my head.
I’m trying to be a fatalist. What will happen, will happen. If it’s meant to be, I’ll get there. The Universe will make sure of that.
‘But what if not?’
Those doubts are too heavy. I just have to let them go.
Because I can do this. I know I can do this. And whatever happens, I will find the way. The way to whatever it is that the Universe has planned for me.
I’m looking forward to this year because I cannot take it here, in this small town in the Czech Republic, any longer. I have to move on. I know I need it.
But I’m also afraid. I’m scared as I’ve never been before.
‘But what are fears for?’
I know the answer.
‘Fears exist only to be conquered. Fears exist only to make us stronger. Fears cannot, in any way, take over you. You have to accept them, feel them and beat them.’
When I was thirteen, I already wished to study in Scotland. I then saw one quote that I still remember:
When you can’t keep up, run. And beat them to the finish line.
And I will.
MY AUGUST FAVOURITES
1 – THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING by MILAN KUNDERA
There are only a few books that would impress me this much. It’s philosophical, it’s clever, it’s moving, it’s fascinating, it’s just wonderful. And it’s even very surprising for me because it’s written by a Czech author and I’ve never really liked Czech literature.
2 – WHAT DO I KNOW by ED SHEERAN
Love this song. It has beautiful lyrics and I’ve been listening to it all August. I like the whole album Divide, to be honest.
3 – THE SEASON 7 OF GAME OF THRONES
I love every single episode. I personally think that this season is amazingly written, directed and shot. Amazing actors, amazing sets, amazing everything, to be honest. And the end… oh my god. I can’t believe we have to wait for another (or maybe two!!) year.
4 – MY NEW JACKET FOR RUNNING
This jacket will last me a century. I swear. I love love love it, it has a good quality, it’s a nice material and it’s designed for sports, so I’m going to freaking use it for sports! (another reason why I forbid myself to stop running – by the way, I’ve been going running for the whole month of August and it’s getting better and better! I’ve even started to enjoy it… my past-self must think I’m crazy)
5 – A ZOMBIES RUN APP
Talking about running – I adore this application. I never go running without it. This game not only keeps tracking how many kilometres you’ve ran and how much time it has taken you, it also simulates a future world by talking to your headphones.
You find yourself in a world with only a few humans left and many zombies who want to eat everyone. You’re the Runner 5 – your job is to run to warn and save people. On your way you collect items and when you come home, you can expand your city or buy new properties in exchange for these items. You can also turn on CHASES, which means that anytime during the mission, the voice is allowed to say: ZOMBIES DETACTED. And then you hear their screams and the noise they make and it’s getting louder and if they catch you, they steal some of your items and you just have to freaking run for your life. It’s amazing.
This app is free on Android.
6 – DUNKIRK
This is the first war film EVER that I genuinely enjoyed. It was naturalistic, yet poetic, it was scary, yet moving, it was full of hope, yet filled with disappointment. Loved it. This film is going to be in my FAVOURITE FILMS OF 2017, I’m sure of that.
Is there something else that needs to be said about this August?
After coming back from Indonesia and Slovakia, I had to start working. I work almost every day in a big supermarket and I don’t enjoy it, I really don’t. The only plus is the fact that my mom is the chief in there and my sister works there as well, so… At least I have some company.
I’m still looking for some translation jobs (English -> Czech) but I cannot seem to find any. If you knew about something, please let me know, I’m desperate – the salary in Czechia supermarkets is terrible.
But I need to earn money for my university studies. It needs to be done, there’s no way around it.
School, come and save me. (I can’t believe I’m actually saying this.)