About a year ago my friend Veronika sent me a youtube video of some boy (I don’t remember who it was, unfortunately) who was talking about being single and being in a relationship. He said something like: “People think that being single is wrong, somehow. They think that I’m not okay if I’m not in a relationship.” And that really helped me at that time because I was getting over a long relationship and I was learning to be alone, as I’ve already written in my post It’s okay to be alone.
And a few months back one of my friends from a theatre class asked me:
“So you still don’t have a boyfriend?”
“Oh. I thought you were worth more.”
And I could just blankly stare and then turn away. What. The. Heck. How does a romantic relationship with someone determine your worth? Your value? And how does it determine if you’re alright or not? Why do people think that being single is so wrong?
After the break up some of my friends kept telling me that I would find a new boyfriend soon and that it would be alright again. Well, it IS alright now and I haven’t had a boyfriend since (apart from a short summer love, if that counts). It just seems to me like everyone thinks that having a partner is the only thing that can make us truly happy and that we all feel lonely and broken when we don’t have anyone to have a romantic or sexual relationship with. And I totally disagree.
It is true that it’s natural for people to find somebody who they can love and have a close relationship with. But not having that person all the time doesn’t mean that we are not happy, does it? Of course that I would like to find someone like that. Some day. But what if people just don’t genuinely want to be in that kind of relationship right now? And what if they just haven’t found someone who they would really like to date yet? Does it mean that they feel miserable and the only thing they wish for is a prince/princess charming who can love them again?
As I see it, people cling to romantic relationships too much. I’m not saying people shouln’t have them – not at all. I love the feeling of having someone I can cuddle with, someone I can kiss. But I also love being by myself. And I believe that everyone should be single for some amount of time in their lives since I have learnt so much during that time. And I’m still learning more and more about myself. In my opinion one needs to be single for as long as he doesn’t start being alright with him actually not having a partner.
I have discovered that people don’t leave their partners, even though they really want to, because they are afraid of being alone. I see it everywhere around me and I was like this as well. I was holding on to it as if it was the only source of air in the world and if I fell, I would choke. But I did fall. And I did not choke. In contrary, I found a brand new world.
People need to be single so they can learn to love and know themselves. They desperately lust after love of somebody else since they are not capable of loving themselves on their own. But only when you get content with being by yourself and when you start enjoying it can you properly enjoy being with somebody else as well. Because you don’t NEED that person to love you as you already have somebody like that. Yourself. You just love them for who they are and they love you for who you are and you enjoy accepting this love and giving it back. I believe that only then it is the healthy kind of love, the kind of love with no jealousy, no fights, no tears. We need to be single in order to have the best sort of relationship.
Also, I really enjoy being single. I don’t see a reason why I should be sad because I currently don’t have anybody who I can sleep with or kiss. I know that I’ll have that person eventually. I don’t need it now. I can do the things I love – read, study languages, read again, write, meet with friends, be with my family, read again. I never get bored. I know so many people who are dying of boredom the moment they are alone. I’m not one of those people. Because I’ve been alone for such a long time that I’ve got used to it and I’ve started to like it.
People who are single and happy are not weird or ‘just faking it’. We know something that those who spend their entire lives in relationships don’t. We know what it’s like to be alone and we know that it’s great.
And if I ever get melancholic and I want to be in love with somebody, I just find a photo of Benedict Cumberbatch and stare at it for like half an hour. (Just kidding. Or am I?)