It does feel like heaven.

I am sitting on a plane and just a few minutes ago I was down there, on the ground. The sky was grey and it was raining, our plane was delayed and the world seemed to be a little bit too boring. And now I’m here. We kept flying through the clouds and I couldn’t see anything so I started to read.Then I looked out of the window just out of curiosity and I saw this.


(The RAYNAIR sign is kind of a buzzkill but I recommend this company a lot, their flights are cheap – I bought a ticket to Glasgow and back for just 34 euros.)

I saw a sea of white clouds floating in the sunshine, the sky blue and clear, light in the corners and dark on the top. Closer to the universe. Closer to the unknown.

The truth is, everytime I’m on a plane and we take off, I get a small heart attack. I just get so much scared and my heart starts beating very fast, as though it’s aware of itself a little bit too much. Everytime I do this, I feel my body more than ever. I feel my toes in my shoes, my hair tied up in a hair bun, my dry lips, my belly moving fast up and down because I breathe so heavily. And we are heading up, up to the nothingness. There is nothing but some people and I. And the Earth itself.

Many people don’t fly because they’re afraid. I get it. I’m always afraid. I’m afraid this could be the day when I die. But a few moments ago it felt different. I was so aware of my body that I could seperate it from my thoughts, if that makes any sense. Some people believe that we are just bodies and that we have this huge capability of thinking because of our brain. But what if we have our brain and body just to make our mental souls physical? What if all of us are souls with their own life energy and this physical universe created itself for all those souls to see each other and interact with one another? What if the physical world is just an illusion and what really matters are our minds? What if we all, people and animals and plants and things, are just one simple word called LIFE? And if it is so, why should we then worry about our physical bodies? When they die, does our mind die with them? Because I don’t believe so.

I’m not saying this out of fear of death. I’m saying it because just a few minutes ago I felt like I could die any minute, as I always do, but this time I stopped feeling that fear. At all.


I became calm and I realised that if our plane was to fall and crush, if my body was to become only a dead thing floating in the ocean, so be it. This whole situation didn’t have anything to do with my mind and soul. That felt like a completely different thing. I guess I sound like a freak but this is how it was.

And as I look at the infinity above the clouds, I really do believe that all of this is not just a chemical consequence. It’s a Life. And there is something more to Life. Something that nobody can grasp because our physical world doesn’t let us. Something that maybe, if we are lucky, we can understand after we leave this world of objects and materials. Some people call it God, others Allah, others Mother Nature. I call it Life.

Denisa x

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Marek Volf says:

    This evoked two songs to me from the same author, John Petrucci, an extraordinary guitarist…

    1st… song “The Spirit Carries On” form conceptional story-telling album Scenes from a Memory of band Dream Theater. Really nice lyrics. Here is story background of the song…
    “Nicholas is under hypnosis once again, and reiterates his belief that his soul will transcend and he need not fear death. He now believes that Edward was involved in the murder, and plans to expose the truth behind it, but Victoria appears to Nicholas and tells Nicholas he should move on. At this point, Nicholas feels at peace, as he feels he has appeased Victoria and his own obsession. The ultimate message is that, as the hypnotherapist says, “death is not the end, but only a transition”. The song has been noted as having a Christian outlook on death.”

    2nd his solo instrumental song “Glasgow Kiss” 🙂 I don’t know how much you rock, but maybe you will like it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your suggestions, I will check these songs out. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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