(I wrote this post in January but it all vanished, I don’t know why, so I’m writing it again.)
Two weeks ago I’ve been to this party that my friends threw. And I got drunk of course. I always get drunk when I go to some party. And when I was younger (that seems like I’m an old lady now, haha, I mean the times when I was 15 – yes, it works like this in the Czech Republic, you’re already partying when you’re 15), I always enjoyed it. But this morning felt different. I think it’t because I’ve changed a lot in 2016 and now I’m really not the kind of a person I used to be? I don’t know. I just felt really weird. And so I wrote an article about it (which is now gone, GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL).
I know I felt like something was not right. Why do we always see the “party life” as a proof of our youth? Why do we have to go to parties and get drunk and make out with random people so we can say that we enjoy our life? That we are truly alive? Is getting totally wasted and not knowing what you’re doing the thing that proves that we “live, not just survive”? I don’t know, guys. It feels like party life is so overestimated.
I always get drunk on parties because I don’t know how to talk to people. That’s the truth. I’m too shy to start talking to strangers, even though I really want to. And when I’m drunk, everything’s just so easier. I can speak to people without thinking about all the awkward things I might say, I don’t have to worry we’re not going to have anything to talk about, I don’t have to feel weird. Because I’m wasted and those people are wasted and we’re all relaxed and everything’s great. But it’s not.
I can’t get drunk everytime I want to talk to a stranger. Or a boy. Or someone I’m just too scared to talk to. I mean, even Raj from The Big Bang Theory eventually started to talk to girls without drinking any alcohol (I’m sorry, this is a spoiler, I promise I won’t do it again). Alcohol is something that changes us. It changes the way we think. And maybe we are more honest when we’re drunk and maybe we are more relaxed, but does it even matter when the morning afterwards we’re just the same as always? Alcohol doesn’t help us to fight against our problems. It just makes them disappear for one blurry night and then they come again and they punch us in the face even harder than before.
And isn’t it better to take a deep breath on top of a hill that you’ve just climbed up, isn’t it better to laugh with your best friend or dance in the rain and let the water soak into your clothes until you’re all wet? Aren’t those the memories worth remembering? Those memories that you remember precisely, you remember how you felt, what you said, heard, touched? Isn’t that better than waking up next to some total stranger and trying to remember what you’ve done?
Drunk people don’t act like themselves. They’re more honest, but is that a good thing? If you don’t want to say something out loud, it means you have some reason for that and the alcohol just doesn’t care about moral reasons. It makes you do whatever you want without even thinking about it and maybe it’s fun, but it’s not the real you. This is not how a brain normally works. Drunk people are just shadows of their real personalities. And I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, it’s alright to enjoy one blurry night and not have to think about anything, but it definitely doesn’t mean we are living as much as we can. It doesn’t mean we’re enjoying our life. Because in fact, we’re running away from it.
We’re running away from or problems, from our thoughts and from our logical reasoning, from the real life. Partying is like dreaming. It’s beautiful and almost anything can happen, even if it doesn’t make any sense. But every dream ends eventually. And while we’re dreaming, the real life is passing us by. It’s not waiting for us. And we cannot dream forever.