Every time I am at some event (which is like once in three months haha) and then I go home, people ask me: “You’re going by bus? You’re going by car? Don’t you want to go to some pub with us?” And I simply reply: “I walk. Thanks, but no.”
And nobody really gets it. Why would I WALK? And why would I prefer being home instead of partying with my friends? Who is this weird nerd? (And that’s the funniest part because I actually have pretty good grades at school but the only thing I don’t do at home is.. yes, school.) But the truth is, I like walking. And I like being by myself, I like having time for myself and for my thoughts. And frankly? I didn’t feel this way a year ago.
Since I had been young, I always needed someone. I needed friends, I needed attention, I always desired to be a part of some great group of people. And then I joined a theatre class and my dream actually came true. I was hanging out with my friends, I had a great time with them and it was so much fun. I even found myself a boyfriend.
And I think that’s when my need for people became a little too strong. I became obssesed with my boyfriend, my whole life was based on his existence and on his attention. I couldn’t be by myself or I would get crazy. I couldn’t be alone with my thoughts since they were always pointed at him and then I was too sad because I couldn’t be with him in the reality. It was not healthy at all. I feel like I kind of lost my identity in that relationship and the funny part is, it wasn’t even his fault. But that’s enough about my personal problems, haha, let’s move on to the point of this article.
After I lost him, I had to learn how be alone. And it wasn’t easy. I had nobody to be obssesed with, I had nobody to be in love with, I had nobody to cuddle to when I felt lonely. I was completely thrown into that situation and I had to figure out a way out of it. I had to stand up and learn to be alone again, and most importantly, learn to love myself.
And I did learn it. I did get used to it. And the best thing is that I started loving it. Because when you completely accept yourself and when you start loving yourself the way you are, you actually become very happy when you can spend a time with yourself. It’s absolutely okay to be alone. To me, the ability to be alone means independence and personal freedom, it means that the person is okay with his or her personality, that the person has reached the acceptance of himself/herself. And I think that’s the time when you can start reaching new levels.