When you don’t want to lose somebody, is it because you love them? When you’re jealous, is it because you love your girl/boy/friend? When you want to see your partner every single day, is it love? And what is love?
I’ve heard this phrase like a thousand times. “I’m jealous because I love him.” Or “I don’t want to let her go because I love her.” But do we really feel these things because of our love for others?
I personally think that jealousy is nothing else than a self-love. If you’re afraid you’d lose somebody, it is not because you love them – because if you did, you would let them go and you would feel happy for them. No. It’s because you love yourself. During that relationship with that person, you got used to them, you fell in love with them, you simply love them. But when jealousy and possessiveness come, that is just a selfish need to own that person forever, it’s just admitting that you think you possess your partner. You want them to be yours so you could be happy and content.
Sex is not love. It can be great and it can make your love stronger but the act itself is not love. Being in love is not love. Being in love is that magical feeling when you start being obssesed with someone, when you adore every single thing about that person, when you feel like the whole world is complete. But I think that’s just simply not love, that’s attraction and many other things but love.
So what IS LOVE?
To me, love means that you truly care about the other person and the important thing is that you do not want anything in return – you love without expecting to be loved. I know, it’s hard because we hate the feeling of loneliness, the feeling like nobody loves us and nobody wants us and we’re a freaking garbage. But that’s once again a self-love.
Don’t get me wrong, self-love is VERY important and everyone should love themselves. But we all have our limits. We need to love ourselves and be comfortable in our own bodies, we need to be content with being who we are. But we need to accept that the universe is not about us. The universe doesn’t even care. We need to be important to ourselves but we need to realize that we’re not that important when it comes to the global view and other people.
We love our parents. We love our pets. We love our friends. We love our partners. But the thing is that everyone always seems to think that loving a partner and loving a friend is different. And why? Because when it comes to the relationship, jealousy and possessiveness come? I mean, there is a big difference when it comes to intimacy. But I think intimacy is never as important as friendship. And friendship is the most important thing in your relationship. It seems to me that this love-relationship is just a friendship with an intimacy bonus, haha.
But when you lose your partner, you lose a friend. And that’s what you miss the most (or should miss the most, I guess). You miss their personality, you miss their smile, you miss them. When you lose a friend, you miss them as well. I know that losing a partner often hurts so much more, but that’s just because they have become our best friends. Plus self-love comes.
I don’t know why but our society has made us believe that our partner is the one who should give us all the love in the world. And our friends should just watch and then start dissapearing so our partner and we could live forever together.
Why does it seem so weird to so many people when two people who date each other don’t see each other for a couple of months? Or even weeks? I mean, the relationship is not mainly about having sex every few days and being in a physical contact. I personally think that if you love someone, you care enough not to cheat on them or forget about them. And you don’t need to see them every day. Your love is not physical. Of course you miss them – but that is sometimes very good.
If two people who love each other want to travel but each of them wants to go someplace else, why is it wrong? I’m being kinda sentimental and weird here but I really believe that if you’re meant to be with that person, you will meet them again. (I’m talking about travelling here but of course that if you and your partner live in the same town and you don’t get to see them for ten days, that’s not very pleasant – if both sides don’t mind, it’s alright, but otherwise there’s clearly something wrong.)
I guess that’s what I wanted to say. Let them breathe. Let them go. And don’t say you love them when there’s only self-love hidden behind those words.I know what I’m talking about, haha. I’ve done this. And I’ve learnt. I hope that maybe someone can learn from this as well.
If you truly love someone, you don’t only love them – you love the whole world.